We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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