I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
