in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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