I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize