I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
