Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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