Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize