i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pants are for mortals
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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