i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
