I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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