remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
