every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
