i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
