Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
