There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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