what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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