TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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