So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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