we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize