Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
