whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
