we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
