Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mom said you looked used
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
whose parrot is this?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
