Your tits are I can't wait for
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
