Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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