i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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