Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
