that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
