you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
