Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
