I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize