I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
