You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
