dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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