I think my vagina is haunted
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize