thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize