I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dick very happy bro
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
