We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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