I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
