You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
