She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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