guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
