Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
