so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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