I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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