Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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