I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
