i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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