mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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