Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
