If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize