Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
