I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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