can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
