operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
