Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
