Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
