Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
