Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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