Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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