I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
