i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
