some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How naked do you want me to be?
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