ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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