So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this will be a night to untag.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
