You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
