my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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