i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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