Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Randomize
