you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
