Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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