Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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