Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
