And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
