I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
