u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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