I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
