Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize