just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
