i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
