Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
