Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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