I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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