she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
