She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
