my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
