I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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