Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize