HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize