this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
