I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
