dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
