You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
