Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
