It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
