Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
