the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
