i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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