I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
