Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
